I realized today no matter what I do I cannot give Reese the same first year Davis had.
There has been a new term in our house — fair. “You’re not being fair,” he whines. And it’s so much more true than he realizes.
We can’t sit on the floor all night and play with her, giggling at everything she does. She is growing up in a world of Tv and noise and lots of yelling as we try to get Davis’s attention. All things I intentionally avoided for his sake just a four short years ago — the last Olympics actually.
But she also gets to have someone fawn over her all the time. She has her own personal court jester and brave hero all in one. And he does dote on her in a different way than we could have ever given him.
I was determined to not fall to the double standard or give my second child less attention than the first. But it just isn’t possible to separate her from the rest of our life. And for her sake, her place in our family, it wouldn’t make sense, I guess.
Yes, this is a first born talking. But I am sensitive to it because I know these dynamics matter. They impact how you see yourself and choices you make as you grow up.
But then again, she is my last baby and I am already wanting to hold on to every last moment nostalgically knowing it will never happen again. So I guess in that way it’s something we feel for her that we never had for Davis. And maybe that makes them even.
OK With Change 